First, stop running and say hello
Inner monsters–we all have them (I think–but self-doubt is one of mine). A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was running from some god-type being. I ran and ran, slid down a slide between tree roots (that part was fun!) and ran some more. Still, they kept chasing me. When I woke up, I wondered why I didn’t just turn around and see what they wanted. Then we could play the chasing game again if we wanted to. Children take great joy in chasing and being chased–partly because it’s a way to play with fear and because it’s just fun to run (especially if it doesn’t make your knees ache!)
Then welcome those inner monsters
The above-described dream reminded me of one of my favorite poems by Rumi:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.from The Book of Love by Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Do you have the courage to crack open like a seed?
I recently came across this great quote by Cynthia Occelli:
“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”
And also this one:
This innate surrender allows everything edible and fragrant to break into a life of light that we call spring.
In nature, we are quietly given countless models of how to give ourselves over to what appears dark and hopeless, but which ultimately is an awakening that is beyond all imagining. This moving through the dark into blossom is the threshold to God.– Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
As a seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as an orchid or a hyacinth, neither can a heart packed with hurt imagine itself loved or at peace. The courage of the seed is that oncecracking , it cracks all the way.”
But sometimes we need that protection
Our inner monsters may be the hard shell of the seed that we need to crack through in order to grow into our potential. Does the seed know it will grow into a sunflower or tomato plant? I don’t know. Do we know where our journey will take us? I don’t think so.
But another thing to remember is that the shell protect the seed until it’s ready to break free. The shell of the seed serves a purpose–as do (or did) our inner monsters.
Naming our monsters
These inner monsters go by many names. Mine include Overwhelm, I-can’t-do-it, I’m-not-good-enough, nothing-I-do-ever-makes-a-difference, I-CAN-do-it-all-and-you-can’t-stop-me (who is best friends with Exhaustion), Perfectionism, Procrastination, and a whole family of Fears.
Elizabeth Gilbert, in Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, after spending over 2 pages listing various fears people have about being creative, tells us that creativity always brings up fears because we enter the unknown and fear doesn’t like the unknown.
She describes fear as:
…a mall cop who thinks he’s a Navy SEAL: He hasn’t slept in days, he’s all hopped up on Red Bull, and he’s liable to shoot at his own shadow in an absurd effort to keep everyone “safe.”
page 23
Dear Fear,….
But in the next section of the book, one of my favorite parts, she writes about the necessity of making room for fear if you want to live a creative life. She writes a letter to her fear as they set off on a road trip together, along with Creativity. She understands that Fear will come along for the ride, but and sets ground rules:
Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still–your suggestions will not be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote….But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”
page 25-26
Our inner monsters can be our muses
One of the muses Jill Badonsky describes in her book The Nine Modern Day Muses (And a Bodyguard): Ten guides to Creative Inspiration is the Shadow Muse. Badonsky says that “mortals keep distasteful parts of their personality buried deeply inside. They fear what they might do, who they really are, and what others might think about the sides that society says are undesirable.”
But she goes on to say that viewing our weaknesses “with compassion and possibility is profoundly liberating. It gives us another creative mechanism with which to deal with life’s complexities and the pursuit of living deeply. We can embrace the world with a lightness of being and witness the beauty of our humanity.”
Meet Rigid Rita Rutbutt!
She writes about a character she invented, named Rigid Rita Rutbutt, through whom she addressed her own rigidity. I strongly believe that when we can bring the lightness of humor into our dark places, when we can begin to play with our inner monsters, we can take our place in the driver’s seat of our
This is not to suggest that we may not have serious issues that we are not able to do this with. Certainly, at various times in my life, I’ve sought the help of a mental health professional when I felt overwhelmed by life and couldn’t find my way through on my own–and there was certainly nothing funny about that or the suffering of others.
But, that said, there are places in our lives where it can be useful to bring in some light, to not take ourselves too seriously.
Making soul monsters–giving form to my fears
Over the past few months, I’ve crocheted quite a few monsters. When I asked myself why, all that’s written above eventually gelled. It’s a deeply felt background for these silly little critters that I’ve been making. But they represent my playing with my inner monsters–including the one that tells me people will think I’m weird (and that’s bad) or that I am just weird (which may be true). Also, I had to overcome the I-don’t-know-how-to-do-it monster. I took a lovely course on Craftsy to learn how to make amigurumi monsters and since then I’ve let myself play.
Are you ready to play?
Are you ready to play with your monsters, talk to them, sit down to tea, draw or paint them? I’d love to hear how you deal with your monsters–if you do.
Some days I’m more ready than others, but having these little guys around helps.
Here’s some more thoughts about monsters: Welcome to the Monster Closet and the Goddess of Indecision
As always, thanks for stopping by!
xoxo
