Conscious Parenting

This morning, I listened to a Masterclass (on the Calm app) on the conscious parenting journey presented by Dr. Shefali Tsabari. At the end of this class, she shared a poem she wrote–which I’ll share at the end of the post.

Now, my daughters are all grown up now, but I found much of what she said resonated with me as both a parent and a Waldorf early childhood teacher. I often spoke with parents–and teachers trainees–about examining our expectations and assumptions. And I did–and still–work on this myself. Even after all these years, I have more work to do!

Usually, we get upset with our children when they don’t act how we expect them to act. But our reaction is really about us–about our past, especially our own childhoods, and about real or perceived societal expectations–and about wanting to look good.

Rudolf Steiner on teaching the young child

Here are a few quotes by Rudolf Steiner about what I would call conscious parenting. The quotes are about teachers, but they apply at least as much to parents–who teach children the most important things:

For the small child before the change of teeth, the most important thing in education is the teacher’s own being. (Essentials of Education)

Every education is self-education, and as teachers we can only provide the environment for children’s self-education. We have to provide the most favorable conditions where, through our agency, children can educate themselves according to their own destinies. This is the attitude that teachers should have toward children, and such an attitude can be developed only through an ever-growing awareness of this fact. (The Child’s Changing Consciousness)

“Where is the book in which the teacher can read about what teaching is? The children themselves are this book. We should not learn to teach out of any book other than the one lying open before us and consisting of the children themselves.” (Rhythms of Learning)

The poetry of the conscious parenting journey

I find that poetry–and quotes, like the ones above–inspire me on my parenting and teaching journey. So I thought I’d share a few (after all, this is a blog post, not a book!) of my favorites.

Poems about infancy:

Here’s the first. It might be a little sappy, but I like it:

Baby

by George Macdonald

(this poem is in the public domain)

Where did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the everywhere into here.

Where did you get your eyes so blue?
Out of the sky as I came through.

What makes the light in them sparkle and spin?
Some of the starry spikes left in.

Where did you get that little tear?
I found it waiting when I got here.

(You can read the rest here)

And, of course, there’s this one (also in the public domain):

From Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood

William Wordsworth 

….Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
The Soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
          Hath had elsewhere its setting
               And cometh from afar;
          Not in entire forgetfulness,
          And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come 
               From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

…(You can read the rest here)

A Walt Whitman poem for the conscious parenting journey

I love this poem by Walt Whitman because it reminds me that young children are still one with the universe and they absorb everything and it becomes part of themselves. Rudolf Steiner says that the young child is like a sponge, absorbing everything they are exposed to.

There was a child went forth every day

by Walt Whitman

(this poem is in the public domain)

There was a child went forth every day,
And the first object he looked upon and received with wonder or pity or love or dread, that object he became,
And that object became part of him for the day or a certain part of the day . . . . or for many years or stretching cycles of years.

The early lilacs became part of this child,
And grass, and white and red morning glories, and white and red clover, and the song of the phœbe-bird,
And the March-born lambs, and the sow’s pink-faint litter, and the mare’s foal, and the cow’s calf, and the noisy brood of the barn-yard or by the mire of the pond-side . . and the fish suspending themselves so curiously below there . . . and the beautiful curious liquid . . and the water-plants with their graceful flat heads . . all became part of him.

…(you can read the rest here)

And of course, Khalil Gibran–

On Children

by Khalil Gibran

(in the public domain)

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
     And he said:
     Your children are not your children.
     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
     They come through you but not from you,
     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

     You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
     For they have their own thoughts.
     You may house their bodies but not their souls,
     For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
     You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
     For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
     You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
     The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
     Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
     For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Our young children love and trust us unconditionally

And this poem reflects how we sometimes feel as parents, but it also reminds me of the total trust our young children have in us and how we hold their precious dreams and possibilities until they are able to carry them for themselves:

Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

W. B. Yeats 

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

(This poem is in the public domain.)

The conscious parenting journey is really about our inner journey

Being a parent, or grandparent, or teacher is an opportunity to become present. We are given many opportunities to recognize and transform our habitual ways of being. Most of us will never do this perfectly–that’s why I call it the conscious parenting journey. It’s a journey that doesn’t end–that is often joyful, but sometimes painful and difficult. But our children give us an opportunity to grow into our best selves, to learn how to be truly present for another human being. Allowing ourselves be whole and complete gives our children the same opportunity. Our children bless us with their presence, and if we let them, they will lead us back to ourselves.

Here’s one more Rudolf Steiner quote: “…for even the wisest can learn incalculably much from children.” (How to Know Higher Worlds).

Dr. Shefali’s blessing

One of the biggest challenges of parenting (and life) is to accept ourselves and our children for exactly who we are and exactly who we aren’t. I think that’s why I love this poem. Also, this poem reminds us that how we react/respond to our child is about us, not about them–an important lesson that I’ve learned and relearned many times!

If you want to read more about the conscious parenting journey, try:

The four foundational senses

Parenting: the toughest job you’ll ever love

Poetry Friday

I always need fresh doses of inspiration–for my conscious parenting journey or for life in general. And I find so much inspiration from my Poetry Friday friends. This week, Karen Eastlund is our host. You can check out her post about her father and see what other poets have to say–or share some poetry, too.

I’d love to hear what poetry inspires you on your journey–parenting or otherwise.

Thanks for stopping by.

xoxo