Making choices in the time of coronavirus is hard! I had a conversation with my mom earlier this week about going back to teaching in my early childhood program. I’ve been back at school 3 days a week since the end of June. I love being with the children and my colleagues (although I don’t really see most of them because we all stay separate because of new health regulations). But COVID infection rates are rising here and I worried about getting it. Because of my auto-immune issues, I feel that I’m likely to have a bad case if I get it.
Mom and I discussed all of this, and the financial aspect, too. I like getting paid!
At the end of our conversation, she said, “I hope you make the right choice.”
Making choices
So this week, I’ve been thinking about making choices. It reminded me of this old bit by Jack Benny:
And then I started thinking about that old story by Frank R. Stockton, “The Lady or the Tiger.”
I came across this poem by Sylvia Plath, which refers to the lady and the tiger from a different point of view. It’s called “Ennui.” Here are a few lines from the 2d stanza:
The beast in Jamesian grove will never jump,
compelling hero’s dull career to crisis;
and when insouciant angels play God’s trump,
while bored arena crowds for once look eager…
(you can read the rest here)
The opposite of ennui
Right now, every decision, no matter how large or small, seems charged with meaning and danger. The opposite of ennui. And when we make a choice, we don’t know for a while if we’ve chosen the lady or the tiger. And so, I wrote this poem to try to capture the feeling–and hopefully, release it a little.
The Lady or the Tiger in the age of Coronavirus
I hope you make the right choice
Choose a door, any door. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I don’t know.
I don’t know who?
Me either.
I hope you make the right choice.
Who waits behind the door?
Could be a lady, but she could be a tiger.
You won’t know for 2 to 14 days.
And this not-lady-or-tiger won’t devour you from the outside,
But will claw its way out from the inside–
Maybe killing or maiming,
or maybe just a few kitten-like scratches.
I hope you make the right choice.
Which would you choose?
The lady or the tiger?
Where has the lady been?
Does she wear a mask?
Does she stay 6 feet away?
Maybe these days,
the better choice is the tiger.
Poetry Friday
Well, that poem seems mildly amusing and grim at the same time–which captures my mood pretty well. I think I need to reread the post I wrote about having tea with my inner monsters. To see what other poets have on their minds, check out our host, Margaret, at Reflections on the Teche. This week, she shares some thoughts and poems that answer the question, “What is Poetry.”
It’s been a long time since I have seen a Jack Benny skit. He was one of my Mom’s favorite actors. His skit does hit home your message. Choices are always difficult.
My ex-husband (and still friend) loves Jack Benny. I’m not sure why that particular bit popped into my mind, but when I listened, I could just picture him guffawing.
I like that ending! I appreciate injecting a little humor into difficult situations. Last night, my younger daughter was saying she kind of wanted to go on a (socially distanced) date with a new guy, and I was asking her whether I thought it would be possible to stay socially distanced the whole time. We have three medically vulnerable people here. Who knew we would be having these sort of conversations? Not me. As you say, the opposite of ennui.
I couldn’t have imagined this, either. I work with little kids, who often cough, sneeze, have drippy noses…But now, every time one of them sneezes, I feel a little bit of worry even though my logical mind tells me its probably just a sneeze. Jeez, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with dating on top of all of this!
Susan, this is such a thoughtful post. I appreciate the gravity of the conversation with your mom and the reflection on her statement and how it relates to all you included. Bravo! Your poem really does capture the feeling of what we face–the not knowing. This is a keeper.
Thanks, Linda. I often shy away from writing about these painful and conflicted feelings, but I do think it’s important and healing to give them expression.
I am grappling with choices myself. I love how you used the image of the lady or the tiger. This virus isn’t going anywhere. The rising numbers show this. I’ve never thought I would be so dependent on my administrators and governor to make the right choice.
It’s a hard time. Even little choices can have big consequences anytime, but it feels even more so these days. At least we still have poetry to help us along!
Every choice is hard. I am enjoying this last weekend before the choices that are made for me (our district’s return-to-school plan) are revealed. Nothing I can do about it. Worrying won’t help. So I’m enjoying all the small moments. Best wishes for the best choice you can possibly make…whatever that might ultimately be!! (So helpful, right? …NOT!!)
I hope your district comes up with a good plan. I don’t know how to figure out what the best choice is–I’m trying to do what you’re doing, enjoying each moment and taking it a step at a time.
Difficult and wonderful poem Susan, how about we just place all the lovely little kids into little bubbles … Life has gotten very difficult for many of us. I can relate to your situation, as if I get sick it goes straight for my respiratory system, so I’m continuing to teach online. I’m hoping my husband will do this too, but he might not… And I’ll take Mary Lee’s lines above “Best wishes for the best choice you can possibly make…”
Thanks, Michelle. I’m glad you are going to teach online. I’m still worrying my decision through. Bubbles might work, though!
I admire your courage to confront these choices head on. I swing back and forth between a feeling of relative safety (our rates here in Connecticut are among the lowest, if not the lowest, in the country) to outright terror that we’re all going to die. Thank you for sharing, and stay safe!
I’m with you, Catherine. The part of Colorado that I live in has been doing relatively ok so far with coronavirus, but I’m still worried–and sometimes really scared. And still haven’t decided how to move forward. You stay safe, too–and I hope things stay good where you live!
[…] still waffling–still feeling the opposite of ennui (which I wrote about last week). No decision seems right at the […]
[…] For more poetry inspired by this time we’re living in, check out my post, The Lady or the Tiger. […]