Life lessons from Star Trek
I think I first realized I was an empath when I watched this episode of Star Trek. I saw it when it first came out in
I didn’t know there was a name for who she was. It surprised me to discover now that the episode was titled “The Empath.” But I remember that episode very well considering how long ago I saw it. (And I don’t remember that many Star Trek episodes, although I loved it at the time it came out–I remember Tribbles and a spooky episode with children chanting and the death of the Greek Gods)
But then I forgot about it for a long time. I always felt different and often overwhelmed. I liked to watch and listen to other people but not talk too much. Even though I saw it on Star Trek, I didn’t realize that being an empath was a real thing for a long time. And I felt bad about myself because I couldn’t–and didn’t want to–do all the things the people around me did. The world made me tired and often ill.
Are you an empath (and if so, do you have to wear a purple dress like on Star Trek?)
In the past couple of years, I’ve noticed more books and media attention to empaths. I recently read the book Empath: A Complete Guide for Developing Your Gift and Finding Your Sense of Self by Judy Dyer.
In the
I answered yes to seventeen out of twenty–which means I’m a full-blown empath according to Orloff. What about you?
What does it mean to be an empath?
In spite of my Star Trek revelation, I didn’t realize I was an empath until fairly recently. But I did learn, from a meditation teacher, about 20 years ago, to recognize when emotions I’m feeling are my own or someone else’s. I still can’t always tell–or I forget to pay attention, especially if I’m tired or overwhelmed.
Orloff says that if a person doesn’t know they are an empath, they can find everyday interactions that don’t bother most people highly stressful–and that they may use food, drugs, or alcohol to numb their feelings. I definitely felt overwhelmed by everyday interactions. And there were times when I numbed myself with food (especially sugar!). Even now, I sometimes go down the internet rabbit hole to try to escape my excess of feelings that may or may not be my own.
But being an empath is a gift as well as a challenge:
Empaths are the medicine the world needs and they can have a profound impact on humanity with their compassion and understanding. As you learn to identify your special talents, you will find that you not only enrich your life but you can enrich the lives of others too. The key skill is to learn how to take charge of your sensitivities and learn specific strategies to prevent empathy overload.
Judith Orloff
Theories about what makes someone an empath
Ok, I don’t know how scientific this all is, but I found it in Psychology Today, so I’ll share it with you–The Science Behind Empathy and Empaths also by Judith Orloff. At the very least, I hope you find it interesting–food for thought.
1. Mirror Neurons
I remember reading about mirror neurons in my studies on young children. Mirror neurons basically make your brain believe it is doing whatever you are watching. For example, if I bend over to pick something up off the ground and you’re watching, your brain mirrors my movements as though you were doing it. For young kids, it helps explain why they learn through imitation. The idea with empaths is that we have supersensitive mirror neurons. True? I have no idea, but it is interesting.
2. Electromagnetic fields
The sun, the moon, our hearts, and brains all give off electromagnetic fields–one theory about empaths is that we are more sensitive to the fluctuations in these fields.
3. Emotional contagion
I know this one really well
4. Increased Dopamine sensistivity
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good. I think of exercise when I think of releasing dopamine, but certain foods, meditation, sleep, music and other stuff can release it. This theory is that empaths, at least introverted ones, need less stimulation to release dopamine. In other words, it takes less to make us feel happy. I’m not sure how that relates to empathy, but it might explain sensitivity to crowds and being easily overstimulated.
5. Synesthesia
The last item on Orloff’s list is synesthesia–where you taste colors (I always thought Monet’s paintings tasted like sherbet) or smell sounds or your senses get combined in some way. But with empaths, the theory is that we have mirror-touch synesthesia, which Orloff describes as: “with mirror-touch synesthesia, people can actually feel the emotions and sensations of others in their own bodies as if these were their own.” I know that I do this.
Science or no science
In the end, it doesn’t really matter to me if there is scientific proof for empaths. I do often feel what other people feel. And it helps to give a name to it and know that I’m not the only one.
Reading Orloff’s book has helped me to understand and accept myself. I’ve read other insightful books, as well, like books by Elaine Aron on highly sensitive people–and I’ve watched her movie, Sensitive, The Movie.
I’m finally coming to accept who I am. When I worked as a teacher, all the meetings and other expectations wore me down. I pushed myself–I always wanted to be like everyone else and keep up with them, too. Everyone felt tired after working 12 hours on Thursday (faculty meeting day), but I knew it was too much for me.
There’s no way to know for sure, but I feel like that’s part of the reason I developed auto-immune stuff. I didn’t honor my body. Over and over again, I pushed past my sensitivities, didn’t listen to my body, and managed to make myself sick–and even more sensitive. It’s not that I blame myself–or anyone else. But I’m learning how to take care of myself and honor my sensitivity as the gift and challenge that it is.
Claiming the gift of empathy
Our world needs empathy right now–for us to understand each other on a deep level.
I remember sitting outside with the children in my class early in the morning. Watching them run and play in the morning sunshine, sometimes I felt like the earth. I could feel their feet moving over the ground as if I were the ground beneath their feet. For me, this was a wonderfully peaceful and joyful experience. When with the children–my own, too–I reveled in feeling what they felt. That part seemed easy to me. But in the grown-up world, I often didn’t find that to be the case. Overwhelm, overtiredness, stress– and confusion about why–
When I read Judith Orloff’s book, one of the questions really resonated with me–Do I feel better in small cities or the country than large cities?
I’ve lived in Chicago for about 33 years. My life has been here–my work and family. But I stopped teaching about a year ago. Both of my daughters have moved away, too, I’ve been thinking about moving. Life in the big city is wearing me down. I hadn’t really let myself think about it, but the answer to the above question is YES!
And so I’m moving to a small town. Did I need to read this question to know I felt better somewhere smaller? No. But it helped me to understand why and have the courage to make the move.
Are you an empath or highly sensitive?
If you are, how do you deal with it? I’d love to know. I’m getting better at it, but I’m still learning.
It’s scary to talk about it. Writing about being an empath is scary, too–easier than talking about it, though. But I think it’s important for me to acknowledge this part of who I am. For my own growth and hopefully to help others, too. I want to add it to the list (or index) of who I am. To own it and cherish it as an important part of my life story.
Thank you for sharing this with me–and would love to hear your thoughts.
xoxo
