Cultivating resilience–we really need it right now!

“nylon is excellent in wearability and resilience”

But today I’m thinking about the resilience that we need as adults right now. And certainly, if you are spending lots of time at home with your children, the biggest thing that influences them is their parents/caretakers. Of course, if you’re feeling up to it, you can always check out Simplicity Parenting–the book or the website. Or you can read my post on Simplicity Parenting for a quick overview. There’s been a lot written about cultivating resilience in children–this is still my favorite that I’ve read so far.

How do we cultivate resilience?

One thing is for sure–in this age (Ok–it’s only been a little while, but it feels like an age) of coronavirus and social distancing and sheltering at home–we sure could benefit by cultivating resilience! I’ve been feeling stressed and worried–especially about my parents who have an apartment in senior assisted living. And especially when I heard that a case (now 2) had been diagnosed there and my mom wasn’t feeling well. I called my poor daughter and burst into tears. Then I went for a walk, which is one of my coping mechanisms. I felt much calmer after that–maybe I should have walked first.

Making a contribution and cultivating resilience

One of the things that I found out about cultivating resilience is that a good way to increase or strengthen it is to make a contribution. I’ve been moved and inspired by the many offerings that people have made to support others during this time. At the beginning of this week, I attended a webinar offered by Jill Badonsky, called a pillow fort workshop. 

She led us through various art and mindfulness exercises–creativity and mindfulness are her things, which is why I’m so enamored! But one of the exercises she led us through was “My resilience.” She led us through a bunch of 1 sentence prompts and then we wrote a poem. And since it’s Poetry Friday, I thought I’d share mine. Tabatha Yeatts hosts this week–you can check out her blog and see what other poets have on their minds or in their blogs and/or add your own post.

Poem: My resilience

My resilience is a rainbow that swirls and dances in the rain.

It is a walk in the woods, following the sounds to a laughing stream that dances across the stones.

My resilience is an ancient tree that whispers, “You are a marvel. You are stronger than you know.”

My resilience is a peaceful fall day where the breeze frees the leaves from the trees and they rain down like gold

While I am wrapped in a fuzzy, soft magenta sweater and sunshine.

What is your resilience?

A few more thought about resilience

As I meandered about the internet thinking about resilience, I found some TED talks about cultivating resilience. Here are some of the highlights (and links). Their suggestions have a lot of similarities.

Dr. Stemett

Dr. Lehan Stemett invites us to think about ways to contribute our wisdom and experience in proactive ways. He says that resilient people face reality, see it for what it is and deal with it in proactive ways. Don’t ruminate, which he defines as adding negative emotions to thoughts. Those could-ofs/should-ofs release cortisol and are bad for our health.

He encourages us to forgive others–don’t resent or envy them, likening this to banging your head against the wall and hoping others will get hurt. He reminds us that change is inevitable, growth is optional

To feel self-actualized (and more resilient) we need to experience significance, purpose, and meaning. Not instant gratification!

Significance can be something very small and simple–like smiling at someone as you walk down the street.

Having a bigger purpose means not just doing it for yourself.

If we change our behavior, our attitude will follow. Changing behavior leads to neurogenesis and shapes the brain.

He encourages us to ask ourselves: Is what I’m doing, thinking and feeling right now helping me or anybody else in any way? if no–then what’s the point of doing it. Start today to make life better for ourselves, our families, colleagues, societies, etc.!

Rafael Rose

Rafael Rose speaks about stress and resilience. Suppression is not a good strategy, he says.

He encourages us to face challenges and pursue meaning–changing our behavior (not that again!). And if we do it slowly and gradually, we are more likely to succeed and make lasting changes.

He talked about making a small manageable behavior change–like if you want to floss your teeth every day, start with flossing one tooth. Or going for a 5-minute walk every day if you want to start exercising. Jill Badonsky and others talk about this, too–making small doable changes.

His second step is: Be compassionate to yourself, not self-critical if you miss a day (or a tooth?). That be self-compassion if you fail makes it easier to rebound

He also encourages us to engage in something meaningful. The difference between doing something meaningful and doing something to relieve stress is subtle but important–do something for the joy it brings. Do anything that’s meaningful to you.

Finally-welcome stress, learn from your mistakes, enjoy your accomplishments.

Lucy Hone

Lucy Hone shares three secrets of resilient people. Professionally she studies resilience, but she also shares her experience of losing her young daughter who died in a car accident.

Her 3 strategies:

1. Resilient people get that bad things happen. It doesn’t mean they welcome it, but they know that suffering is part of every human existence. Instead of asking “Why me?” they ask “Why not me?” They know that they are not entitled to a perfect life

2. Resilient people are really good at choosing carefully where they put their attention–focusing on things they can change and accepting the things they can’t–this is a learnable strength.

We excel at noticing negative emotions. We come wired that way. In cavemen times, if we encountered a tiger and a  rainbow at the same time, it made sense for us to focus on the tiger. Now we are constantly bombarded by threats. Our threat response is permanently dialed up. Resilient people know how to tune into the good. They find things to be grateful for. Find ways to focus on the good. It made me think about gratitude journals–writing three things you are grateful for every day. She did it after her daughter died.

3. Ask yourself: Is what I’m doing helping or harming me? We can ask this question about others, as well–is what I’m doing helping or harming them? It puts you back in the driver’s seat–gives you some control.

These are all, she tells us, ordinary processes that just requires the willingness to try when life takes a turn we didn’t expect. Perhaps like now. It’s not easy and doesn’t remove all the pain, but these three steps can help us navigate through the bad stuff that happens in life.

The end

Whew! I didn’t realize I had so much to say today. It takes some resilience to get through all of this!

Thank you for stopping by. Be safe! Cultivate resilience!

xoxo